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''125 Race Report, Qatar
Austria declares war on Hungary, Luthi neutral
(05/10/2005)
This year's 125 Championship is becoming the closet, most harshly fought of the lot, and you can be sure that it will go down to the last round. In the end, one boy will be drinking the Diamond White of success and will be able to stay up to watch a 'Channel 5 adult rating film', whilst the other will have his head flushed down the toilet by his team. The stakes are that high.
Three weeks work is the most any of the lazy yoofs would ever do, so it was with some resentment, that the 125 boys went to Qatar. The banning of cider, fun activities and the unrelenting heat left the kids in disarray. This was nothing compared to the suffering Marco 'The Flying Runner Bean' Simoncelli had to suffer. First off, he was impounded for three days as his team did not have the right papers to transport vegetable matter through customs, and secondly the heat caused severe sweating and wilting to the racer/vegetable hybrid. He wilted three feet in the heat on the first day of qualifying, the equivalent of eight Danny Pedrosa's standing on each others shoulders. In the heat, The Lanky Legume managed a bruised and 'I'm not eating that' seventh.
Up on pole position again and it was the Orangina Alien, Mika 'Klingon' Kallio (not in a Jodie Marsh sense though). Gutted that he was beaten by his archrival, Thomas 'Kirk' Luthi last time out, Kallio, who helps KTM plot evil plans against unsuspecting people in the paddock, was out for alien-type revenge. Second on the grid was Gabor 'Follow The General' Talmasci. The joker of the paddock, who was up for a 250 ride and is out of the Championship chase, was under strict instructions from his team to help Kallio at all costs. But the crazy Hungarian, who cannot count and is not normal, still believes that he can win the title.
Third on the grid, and a bit uncomfortable in the oppressive 'anti-fun' atmosphere, was Mattia 'Boyband' Pasini. Completing the front row was final evil Austrian rider, Julian 'Two-Named' Simon. Championship leader Luthi was all the way back down in ninth place, on the third row. Wearing a black armband, the 'I'm Swiss' German rider was mourning the passing of his hero Michael 'Chin in another time zone' Schumacher. The Boremula 1 fool, who lost is title to an extra from the Addams Family, immediately dented the confidence of the Tiny Toblerone. How can the big chinned invaders win titles these days?
After a tasty breakfast of camel toe, the yoofs lined up on the 46-degree grid for the first race of the day. Last out, and leaving it to the very last moment to leave the crisper was Simoncelli. It would be a marvel that at the end of the race he hadn't invented a poncy new pizza topping: sun-dried runner bean.
A peasant had his hands chopped off and as they fell, the race was on. Immediately it was Klingon Kallio who took the lead. The alien-Finn, who actually knows how to use 'call-waiting function' on a Nokia mobile phone, was in no mood to hang about in the desert and led from red-hot Talmasci and Two Named Simon. All three KTMs were looking pretty fast at the start. But, as the riders came round to complete the first lap, it appeared that evil KTM were not to have it all their own way as frantic frog, Mike 'The Muscle' DiMeglio, The Flying Runner Bean (proving vegetables can live in the desert) and, amazingly, Manuel Poggiali challenged team beta keratin.
Championship leader Luthi, who's KR-1S power valves were under performing in the heat, had a average start and was in eighth at the end of the first lap.
Straight away it looked like Kallio and Talmasci were head of the class as they started to make the break on the boring, featureless, Kimi Raikkonen persona-type track. The battle for third was intense though, it consisted of half the field! Former MGPN favourite, Fabrizio 'The Flying Pizza' Lai was involved in the scrap. This was of course until the heated panniers on his pizzas destined for 'Team America' (Kenny Roberts and his five bellies) started to affect Lai's handling and make him drop back.
Up front the two KTMs started to pull away and, well, it was boring. Klingon led from Red-hot Talmasci and it was team orders all the way. The funny-looking Hungarian looked like he was going to obey KTMs suggestions that to finish behind Kallio 'would be a good idea' and that a 250 KTM ride would persuade him. Otherwise, if he beat the boring-Finn, the 250 KTM would be wrapped around his gypsy skull.
The real interest in the race was how far Luthi was going to finish up, and when Poggiali was going to crash. When he was going to crash, would his impact on the ground be deep enough to strike oil?
It was however, The Lanky Legume who spoiled the battle for third as the close proximity of tussling with sweaty teenagers really made him wilt. He needed the fresh air of the desert and escaped the 'I don't like green things' battle of Pasini, Luthi, Di Meglio and Faubel.
At one point in the race Luthi started to look like his twisted, untrustworthy hero and in an attempt to seal his World title there and then, tried to take out both Faubel and Pasini in one whack. The battle for fourth was hotting up more than Kenny Roberts gusset on the line when being asked, ''So, what's your plans for next year?''
The race entered its final lap and it was yawnarama city. We all knew what would happen. Talma was right behind the dull alien, but he would not pass. The Lanky Legume would finish third, and Luthi, with some dodgy riding would take a rubbish sixth. Done and dusted, and evil KTM with cynical team orders would get a seven point lead in the title. We all knew it.
Coming out of the final corner it looked close, then Talma slipstreamed past, and there was the line, and, hang-on - what? Has he just won it? by 0.017 of a second. Kallio looked on in disbelief. The boring Alien was more animated than a Finnish cartoon as he frowned and shook his head at the same time at Talma. Klingon said, ''For sure, I can't believe it. The team told me he would finish behind me, and I was not to worry. Now I've only got a two point lead and you can bet that chocolate F1 will be quicker next time. I'm going to campaign to get Hungry kicked out of the European Union for this''
Talmasci hilariously didn't care, but thinking he may be in trouble, thought up a cunning plan. The gypsy said, ''I thought there was still a lap to go!'' Yeah, nice one - so why were you punching the air on the 'final lap' then Talma?
So, amazingly Luthi, who was rubbish for most of the weekend, escaped to fight another day. Kallio leads, but only by two points. Next up Australia. Who'll win? And more importantly, how will Talmasci ride with an Alpinestar soooo far up his behind?''
[Szerkesztve]...egy fecske nem csinál nyarat, viszont egy hülye százat csinál...
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Város: Debrecen